Why our On Pointe Parents are the most supportive!

Supporting your child in their school work, art, and extra curriculars definitely is a fine line between support and adding extra pressure to what they have already given themselves. You want to see your child succeed, and if not succeed at least grow from the challenges. Finding ways to celebrate their accomplishments, and cheer them on is something we know quite a few parents that are really good at. I thought it might be nice to write about some of the things that they, and their children, do to help their relationship be positive and uplifting, especially during the really high pressure and stressful times.

And when your child loves dance or any activity, it’s natural to become invested in their journey. And, honestly, we hope that you DO get invested! You are driving them to class, watching performances, and probably hearing them talk about this cool thing they worked on this week in class, or how they just couldn't get the move figured out, and all the other excitement and emotions that happen throughout the year. You probably start to wonder what they could be working on at home to get their goals achieved faster, or what you could be doing with them to help them along. But the most important difference that we see between parents who are supportive and parents who add stress, is this: You are paying US to be the coach and teacher, what your child needs in the car on the way home us unwavering support, a listening ear, and someone who loves them no matter if they accomplish that goal in a week or a year.

Encouragement vs. Pressure

The difference between the two things can be surprisingly small, and sometimes we even catch ourselves mixing up them when we are coaching. So please know that you are not alone in making mistakes or not communicating "perfectly" with your dancer. As long as we are all trying our best, the growth and encouragement is there!

We believe that encouragement can sound like:

"I loved watching you dance today!"

"You worked really hard on that!"

"I can tell how much you've grown this year."

"Are you excited about your class?"

But, questions that can add pressure can sometimes sound similar:

"Did you get your turns today?"

"Why didn't you get that skill yet?"

"You need to practice more."

"I hope you remember everything at recital."

Now, we firmly believe that your questions don't come from a bad place! Wanting to be invested and help your dancer stay focused on their goals comes from a place of love. You want to help your dancer to reach their fullest potential. But, children (of all ages) can feel a different intention behind some our excitement and encouragement.

When every class becomes an expectation to improve, every performance becomes something to perfect, and every accomplishment becomes the starting point for the next goal, dance can begin to feel less like something they love and more like something they have to prove.

Let Their Dance Belong to Them

One of the best things that you can allow your child is ownership of their interests. Dance class is their experience! That doesn't mean that you shouldn't be involved, please stop in and chat with us and we'll be happy to help you feel involved in the studio and your dancer's jouney. But, getting them to class, helping them remember a water bottle and snack, attending performances, celebrating the small wins, and allowing them to join performance opportunities or classes that they are interested in are all meaningful ways to support a dancer.

It can also be helpful to allow your dancer to invite you into their experience. Let them tell you what they enjoyed about class today. Let them tell you what was difficult this week. Let them be excited about a tiny improvement that you might not have even noticed. Let them join a class where they aren't the strongest or the best. Let them have a performance where something didn't go perfectly.

And, perhaps most importantly, let them have days when dance is simply FUN.

Corrections Don't Needs to Come From Home

Your dancer's teachers and coaches are there to teach them. We know that parents often notice things, too. You might listen to them talk about struggling with a particular skill or you might notice that they aren't practicing in their bedroom as much as they used to. You may even have years of dance experience yourself!

But allowing your dancer's teacher to be the one who is responsible for giving technique corrections can take the pressure off.

Home can be the place where your child feels unwavering support.

The studio can be the place where they learn, work hard, challenge themselves, and receive corrections. The separation can be incredibly valuable.

Instead of asking, "Did you fix your turn today?" try asking, "What was your favorite part of class?" or "How are you feeling after class today?".

Instead of immediately pointing out something that could have been better at a performance, try, "I loved watching you perform!" or notice one of all of the hundreds of incredible things that did go correctly on stage!

Instead of focusing on what they still need to work on, take a moment to recognize how far they've already come. We'll get to the mistakes and the mess ups when we get back to the studio next week.

Celebrate the Process, Not Just the Product

Dance gives children so many opportunities to learn perseverance, confidence, creativity, and teamwork. But those lessons don't only happen when a dancer does a skill or a routine perfectly. These lessons happen every week when they show up to class, when they get back up after falling, all of the times while they are trying.

A dancer who falls out of a turn is learning something.

A dancer who forgets choreography and finds their way back is learning something.

A dancer who watches from the side before feeling ready to participate is learning something.

A dancer who finally accomplishes a skill they've been working toward for months is learning something.

Success in dance isn't indicated by the highest leap, the best score, the most difficult skill, or the loudest applause. Sometimes success is simply coming back and trying again.

Be Their Safe Place

Your dancer will have plenty of opportunities throughout their life to be evaluated. They get graded at school. They will have auditions or interviews for jobs and opportunities. They will experience successes and disappointments. They will compare themselves to others. They will have moments when they feel confident and moments when they don't. Home doesn't need to be another place where they feel like they are being evaluated.

Instead, home can be where they know:

"I don't have to be the best for my family to be proud of me."

"I don't have to get every step right for my family to support me."

"I don't have to win for my family to celebrate my hard work."

"I am loved whether I dance perfectly or not."

That sense of security can give a dancer the freedom to make mistakes and learn, try new things, and hopefully discover what they truly love about their art.

And remember: you don't have to be your dancer's coach to be their biggest supporter.

Sometimes the most powerful thing a parent can say is simply: "I love watching you do something you love."

At On Pointe Arts, we believe dance should help children grow, not just as dancers, but as people. We want our dancers to work hard, challenge themselves, learn from mistakes, and take pride in their accomplishments. But we also want them to laugh, cry, make memories, and remember why they fell in love with dance class in the first place.

And at the end of the day, we get to do that together with you, their family. And you are a part of what makes our community, our Dance Family, so special and warm and welcoming. We hope that together we get to continue to help raise up these dancers who are so much more than what they can do one stage for many years to come!